Starscream Reviews Revenge of the Fallen

[loltraitorlol]

I would firstly like to say that I was incredibly displeased with the first film, despite it alerting you pitiful organics to our marvelous glory. It was too many Autobots, not enough Decepticons and, most importantly, not enough me. And what little me there is looks like a giant chicken-monkey.

However, I am obliged to see the new film regardless, so I just wasted two hours of my life. I hope you are all happy.

First: why so much about the humans. No one cares about them! Especially not me! Sam is just another slagging Witwicky, the only difference is that he's occasionally funny and doesn't wear a yellow hardhat.

Second: WHY DID THEY BRING MEGATRON BACK HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD oh primus the Fallen whyyyy BUT ANYWAY MEGATRON SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD. I AM MORE THAN VILLAIN ENOUGH FOR THIS PIECE AND I AM NOT THE FALLEN'S BITCH.

Third: What. WHAT. I AM NOT THAT MUCH OF A COWARD ¹ I WOULDN'T JUST STAND THERE AND TAKE IT LIKE THAT FROM MEGATRON², FIGHT BACK, DIDN'T YOU RULE CYBERTRON IN THE COMICS ARrrrrrgh. AND I AM STILL A CHICKEN MONKEY?! WHAT IS THIS

Argh. NEEDS MORE ME. ME ME ME. In fact, slag Revenge of the Fallen, this should have been Starscream: The Movie.

Fourth: Once again, too many Autobots.

In conclusion: This is the most worthless film I have ever seen – wait, no, that was Viva Chihuahua Primus why did I see that oh right, free ticket even so and Michael Bay can shove it right up his actuator.

PS: HAHA, RAVAGE DIED AGAIN. Also, Soundwave, what were you doing to that satellite?! That was - I didn't need to see that.

¹No, he totally is. – Ed.
²Yes, he would. – Ed.

Comments

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

OPERATION: INTERFERE WITH COMMUNICATIONS AND RECEIVE DATA.
THAT IS ALL I WAS DOING.
THAT IS ALL.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

... right. Sure. That's all.

This is my incredulous face, Soundwave.

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

MY STATUS: USEFUL.
YOUR STATUS: GETTING KICKED AROUND BY MEGATRON.
GETTING LAID: NICE ADDITION.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

THAT IS NOT MY STATUS I AM THE SECOND IN COMMAND

OH SLAG YOU

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

ALTERNATIVE TERMINOLOGY: PUNCHING BAG.

MY STATUS: STAY IN SPACE. RELAY INFORMATIVE. GET LAID. EXCELLENT MOVIE.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

Oh shut up.

What about the part where Bumblebee rips out Ravage's spine?

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

ORDER DENIED.

...
WHY RAVAGE ALWAYS DIE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

god he's so adorable in that icon I want to hug him

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

i had too much fun drawing it. i was sort of proud of myself.

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

I kind of want one of starscream covering his ears like ARRGH now just for these sorts of situations

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

At least you have dialogue in this one? And at least they're making your movies. Mine's been in development hell for over a decade.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

...

Okay, that's fair. My last line was actually not bad.

Pft. I think the human phrase is, "sucks to be you". I've had three movies now.

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

Ah well, the Back To Earth special was the highest rated show on that night, so I'm sure they'll do a proper Series IX soon.

It might suck to be me, but at least I'll never have to work with Michael smegging Bay.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

[grumble]

At least my vehicle mode is nice in this film.

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

...Oh, god, I'm just imagining Red Dwarf, The Movie as directed by Michael Bay. And my role is played by Shia LeBeouf. And Lister is played by Marlon Wayans.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

...

[BRB, LOL'ING FOREVER]

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

And Will Ferrel as Kryten. And Larry David as Holly. And...gawd, who'd play the Cat?

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

Johnny Depp.

Thing is, that'd probably save the film.

No wait.

They'd actually cast Adam Sandler.

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

UGH.

Adam Sandler? Couldn't we at least get a person of colour to be the Cat? Bad enough they cast a white woman as the Cat in the American remake.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

Rimmer, this is America. Do you REALLY think they'll get the casting right? Look at Avatar!

[ajrimmer-ssc.livejournal.com]

...Point.

Adam Sandler? Yuck.

[lyingbrat.livejournal.com]

Well, at least you got to have more than one movie!

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

If I recall, your film wasn't terribly faithful to the book anyway.
...

Not that I can talk, but at least mine was watchable.

And yes. I've had three.

[lyingbrat.livejournal.com]

Don't remind me. Something about making it family friendly was what they told me. At least I won't have to worry about it happening again.

Lucky you. Although at least I didn't look like a chicken monkey.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

[splutters at mention of chicken-monkey]

SLAG YOU MICHAEL BAYYYY

[lyingbrat.livejournal.com]

Well, maybe you can track him down and make him show you properly next time?

Also... What was Soundwave doing to that Satellite?

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

You...

You really don't want to know.

[lyingbrat.livejournal.com]

Wait... If it's like what my parents-

I don't think I do either.

[forevertesting.livejournal.com]

I am incredibly thankful that I wasn't in it.

And no, you can't say I was one of those seven pathetic Primes that had an orgy to hide the alleged Matrix.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

...

nope, pretty sure you were there, nova nemisis.

[smirk]

[forevertesting.livejournal.com]

At least I wasn't a giant metal triangle.

At least I wasn't shown for long, even if I happened to be there.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

OH SHUT IT

[hellcommander.livejournal.com]

YOU KNOW, I like explosions and all?

But there were enough fucking explosions in there to last me a fucking lifetime.

I fell asleep.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

AGREED. VERY MUCH AGREED.

[hellcommander.livejournal.com]

Kekeke, snore! I had other things I could have been doing.

[androllout.livejournal.com]

...

I kind of liked it?

but seriously, how often DO I die and come back?

[traitorambition.livejournal.com]

I have to say, I think we're in total agreement.

Though that really shouldn't surprise me.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

Indeed~

Speaking of us, there's now two of us on Dear_Mun! One's from the comics, but still. Four of us! And all of them brilliant.

[traitorambition.livejournal.com]

Really, now?

Well, that is something to be glad about.

[buzzer-bot.livejournal.com]

Wazpinator not really get it...

...but Wazpinator feel inzect-bot ztuck in zame boat az Wazpinator.

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

... which insect bot?

[buzzer-bot.livejournal.com]

Inzect-bot! Found ztupid Witwicky-fleshy in the houze in the dezert!

Got wingz pulled off...